Some admittedly limited reflections on the 2024 Presidential debate, written in real time as the debate occurs:

• 6:02PM — I realize I have more mustard options on the shelves of my fridge than I do choices for President of this country.
• 6:03PM — I question who this theater is for and am reminded of the end scene of Orson Welles’ Lady from Shanghai.
• 6:06PM — I wonder if there really are people out there still making up their minds on this? It’s been eight years: who are these coquettes kidding?
• 6:08PM — I confirm that Lady from Shanghai is streaming on several platforms. 
• 6:09PM — I think how much more interesting it would be to watch undecided voters being caned in public than this.
• 6:11PM — I decide I will never, ever! get into an elevator with either of these men, because if it were to break down and get stuck…
• 6:12PM — I think about that American kid who got caned in Singapore for vandalizing property in the 90s, and wonder: Did he ever vandalize property again?
• 6:13PM — I repeat the truism that there is no one to blame other than ourselves for these two clowns being on this stage. 
• 6:14PM — I ask myself the following: If I became so hungry that I ate myself, would I disappear entirely or double in size? 
• 6:16PM — I recall a horrifying picture of a clown that hung in my grandparents’s house and wonder if it’s the reason I never became involved with the Jugalos. 
• 6:21PM — I receive a text from a friend telling me that her dad, who hasn’t smoked in 30-years, made it through 18-minutes of the debate before he turned to her and asked to bum a smoke. 
• 6:22PM — I receive another text with a picture of said dad smoking.
• 6:22PM — I find myself envious of her dad, although if I had a pack of smokes right now I would light two and cram the embers into my eyes. 
• 6:24PM — Hungry for oblivion, I go to the fridge, slather myself in mustard and start chomping.